Glowsticks
by Shirakawa Myself
Summary: Kaoru is worrying about the future of the Host Club. Whilst idly playing with glowsticks, he has a revelation.


_This is not only my first Ouran fanfiction, but my first attempt at anything that isn't humour (that's all my first two one-shots consist of). I actually did this glowstick thing myself whilst praying about the future of my friends - I was getting really worried about what would happen to them once we separated! Sad, I know :P But I thought that the idea would be brilliant for the Host Club, and violá.  
No pairings, at all, intended._

_Disclaimer: Like everybody else ont his site, I do not own Ouran High School Host Club._

Kaoru sat hunched under the bedcovers, Hikaru's headphones clamped securely over his ears. His brother had fallen asleep a while ago, but Kaoru felt restless; he had waited until Hikaru was asleep before sitting up, though, as he knew that Hikaru would never let himself get any sleep if he thought his twin was ill-at-ease.

Kaoru sighed, blinking his eyes in rhythm to the music and bunching up the bedcovers underneath his hand distractedly. He felt almost as if he himself would fall apart if he didn't hold himself together somehow, and so he had unconsciously taken up his huddling crouch; it felt wrong without another identical arm around him, though. Kaoru glanced quickly at Hikaru, illuminated slightly from the gap in the curtains, ushering in muted starlight.

Suppressing another sigh, Kaoru turned his attention back inwards, to himself. How could he tell Hikaru what was wrong if he didn't know himself? He had to get himself sorted out, because he knew Hikaru's patience would not last very much longer – not that there was ever much to begin with. A twenty four hour span in which to arrange his thoughts was all Kaoru knew he would get, and he'd already eaten through sixteen of those hours just asking himself why the felt so wrong. Besides, it was nearly Huni and Mori's graduation: he'd like to be able to celebrate that properly, at least.

At the thought of the upcoming graduation, Kaoru swung his legs to the floor and fumbled under the bed for the glowsticks Hikaru had put there earlier, so they wouldn't be disturbed in the night by the light. Kaoru smiled faintly as he remembered the blonde senior's face as he pranced around the Host Club, distributing the neon sticks to hosts and guests alike, like some kind of tiny, blonde Santa Claus.

Having located the glowsticks, Kaoru hunched up once more on the bed, spreading the chain of illuminated plastic rings out on the sheet before him. There were seven links in all, together forming an eccentric, over the top necklace – similar to the one Tamaki had earlier forced upon Haruhi. The light from the glowing circle cast fuzzy, indistinct shadows; Kaoru smiled again, hesitantly, upon noting the smooth relief that was cast upon his brother's face, asleep on Kaoru's pillow.

Splaying his hand out in the centre of the circle of rings, Kaoru stared at the layout before convulsively snatching the glowsticks up into one jumbled heap under his palm. It unnerved him to see the rings fanned out like that: they looked vulnerable, like they could break apart at any moment. It struck him that the glowsticks could easily represent the Host Club, tenuously linked together by bonds none of them quite understood.

With an abruptness that took Kaoru by surprise, understanding hit him. He felt wrong because things were going wrong; Huni and Mori were graduating, and nothing was going to be the same as it was now. The Host Club would slowly disintegrate, become pulled apart thread by thread, until all they knew of each other would be distant business partnerships, and formal associations, and New Year parties thrown by rich, fat corporate dealers none of them quite knew the name of; and Kaoru could do nothing to stop it.

Angrily, childishly, Kaoru drew his hand tighter around the glowsticks, as if by this simple act he could keep the Host Club together indefinitely. Shortly, though, he released the clump of luminescence: he didn't want to break one, and have the chemicals spill out over the bedspread. He'd never be able to ignore the stain.

Reluctantly, he once again spread out the sticks into the circle they had been in initially; he didn't like the sensation of letting them go, but on the other hand he knew that each one could only be appreciated properly if it were able to be seen for itself.

Kaoru bit down on his lip. If the glowsticks were really going to be representative of the Host Club, then he knew what he had to do next. Slowly, carefully, he unfastened one of the sticks from its tubular binding and gingerly pulled it away from its peers. He chose the purple one, the one he felt to be representative of Kyoya, who felt would truly leave the group first: but he was unsettled at how much the removal of just one of the sticks seemed to throw the others out of balance. The gap in the circle could not be ignored. Once the circle was broken, it seemed only natural that more should follow suit; yellow and dark blue – Huni and Mori. Orange – Haruhi. Pink – Tamaki.

Kaoru closed his hand over the two last remaining links protectively. The other sticks were now lying scattered on the bed, no longer bent to the shape of the shared circles, but still slightly curved: as if unsure what they were, unsure whether to be straight, like they were when they were new, unbroken and not quite alive, or round, like they were when they were sharing in something bigger than themselves. To Kaoru, they just looked lost.

But the last two, Kaoru could not bring himself to separate. Two pale blue rings, interwoven with each other: individually, they were the dullest colour of all the glowsticks. Together, though, the two sticks were just as bright as any of the others; but not brighter. Kaoru knew they would never be, could never be brighter: they were not strong enough for that.

Kaoru huffed miserably. If this was all that was going to happen, why didn't they just leave now? Inevitably, the bonds of the Host Club could only bring pain later on. The earlier the Host Club was behind them, the earlier the pain could be forgotten.  
A movement of Hikaru's leg brought Kaoru back to the here and now: he smiled for the third time that night, but it fell away quickly – there was too much to feel to keep up a smile.

He could not ask it of Hikaru to leave so soon. Hikaru needed Tono, and the seniors – even Kyoya. And, though Kaoru was loathe to admit it, Haruhi was good for Hikaru too. Besides, looking around, perhaps a separation did not mean the end of themselves being truly alive. Each stick, Kaoru noticed – Tamaki's pink and Haruhi's orange especially – glowed no less bright than when it had been in the full circle. Although the overall effect was diminished, individually, they were not lessened. His gaze rested on each one in turn, admiring each for the vivacity of light they gave out into the darkened room. Whatever may happen, the Hosts would always be the Hosts, fully and completely. Kaoru was sure of that, no matter how distant they might grow.

As if purposely trying to spoil his reflective mood, Hikaru's portable CD player froze and sputtered, pulling Kaoru out of his reverie. Ordinarily he would have cursed at it, but he didn't want to wake his twin. Cautiously, aware of Hikaru asleep beside him, Kaoru reached across to gather all the glowsticks he had scattered, and, holding them close together, skipped to another song by the light of the accumulated glowsticks.

Only once he had replaced the CD player onto the bed beside him did Kaoru realise that he ad, unknowingly, brought the glowsticks together again as he had wanted before: united towards a common purpose, as it were. Although they had been separated apart, they had come back together when they were needed.

It saddened Kaoru that the sticks were not quite as they were before: not one continuous chain, each link vital, but instead a bundle of individuals, together, but not permanently, unbreakably so. However, the light was no less bright for that fact.  
Anyway, Kaoru thought, new hope flaring in his chest, they were probably stronger and more useful like that. If one stick left, the whole bundle didn't have to disintegrate; and there was more flexibility, more opportunities to improve the bonds between them and mix them up. The orange one, he could see, was now on the outside of the bundle, next to the yellow one, yet he knew that by moving his hand a little he could move the dark blue one to the middle, and the purple one to be with the pale blue. Things couldn't always stay the same; but change didn't always mean loss.

For the time being, though, Kaoru carefully linked the glowsticks back into their original necklace formation. They would have to be broken again soon; but not yet.

Yanking off Hikaru's headphones, he threw them triumphantly to the floor; the glowsticks, however, he placed rather more carefully back beneath the bed – he felt a little attached to them now that they represented all the people he was close to. The CD player Kaoru tucked underneath his brother's pillow. The movement didn't exactly wake Hikaru as make him more sensitive to Hikaru's movements. Kaoru, tucking himself under one of Hikaru's outstretched arms, frowned. Perhaps Hikaru hadn't been as asleep as he'd thought.

As if reading his thoughts, Hikaru cracked open an eyelid and proceeded to make what seemed to Kaoru a thirty-second evaluation of his younger brother's mental health. Apparently satisfied, Hikaru cocked a crooked grin and promptly shut his eyes again, pulling his brother closer protectively.

Kaoru blinked sleepily. He could still see the glow where he hadn't pushed the glowsticks far enough under the bed. Smiling contentedly, Kaoru knew they would be glowing for a long time yet – together and apart.

_There are cliched, oversued phrases in here, I know. I also know that I have overused certain words (like 'though' and 'besides'). Forgive me, and review anyway! I really would like some feedback for my first non-humour fic. And also because I think I may have extended the glowstick metaphor too far without explaining it in some places. Please tell me!  
PS: I know that the Hitachiin's would probably have a stained sheet replaced rather than keep it, but that just doesn't work for the metaphor :P Also Tamaki and Haruhi are not meant to be together even though their sticks glow the brightest - I just think that theirs are the most explosive personalities._


End file.
